


Group Texts Are Ridiculous (Or, Five-0 Starts a Group Text)

by flowerfan



Series: Group Texts Are Forever [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Banter, Car Chase, Eddie makes an appearance, Epistolary, F/M, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, Friendship, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Post end of Season 10, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25068799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerfan/pseuds/flowerfan
Summary: After Steve leaves Oahu to go find himself, Five-0 starts a group text to keep in touch while Steve’s away.  Picks up after the end of Season 10.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: Group Texts Are Forever [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837885
Comments: 166
Kudos: 346





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set in the present, following 10x22, but there’s no COVID in it. I wanted it to be fun  The story is complete and will be posted over the next few weeks. Many thanks as always to my awesome beta, perry_avenue.

**April 2, 2020**

_Group message: Tani Rey, Junior Reigns, Lou Grover_

TR: You guys going over to Steve’s to say goodbye tomorrow?

JR: Yeah. Still think we should have a party.

LG: The man’s had two parties and a lunch already – how many send offs does he need?

JR: I don’t know, he didn’t seem to like them very much. Maybe he needs a better one. With just us.

TR: He’ll be fine. Plus, there’s not really any time left.

JR: What about tonight? He’s not coming in today, right?

TR: He’s got plans, Junes.

JR: He does? I thought he said he had work to do around the house? We could bring pizza and beer, help him out.

LG: He’s got plans with Danny.

JR: Danny won’t mind the help – he’d be happier supervising, anyway.

TR: Lou, what are we going to do with him?

LG: No idea. Nothing’s worked so far.

JR: Are you guys talking about me? That’s not very cool. At least fill me in.

TR: Sweet Junes, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m not sure we can help.

LG: But bring that beer over to my place tonight, and I’ll do my best.

TR: I’ll bring chips.

**April 3, 2020**

JR: Okay now I feel really bummed out. Why did Steve leave Danny down on the beach like that? We should have had a party.

TR: Chill, Junes, he’ll be ok. He’s just sad.

JR: Do you mean Danny or Steve?

LG: Yes.

JR: But Steve is the one who decided to leave, he shouldn’t be sad – I don’t get it.

LG: It’s not a straightforward situation.

TR: Good one, Lou.

JR: I feel like I’m still missing something.

TR: Wouldn’t be the first time.

JR: Hey, should we add Adam to the text? Because he’s standing over there petting Eddie and it feels kind of awkward that we’re all texting.

TR: Sure, Adam is definitely sort of not really barely on Five 0 these days… why not add Jerry while you’re at it?

JR: Okay.

LG: I think Tani was joking. But we should add Danny and Steve, it’ll give us an easy way to keep in touch while Steve’s away.

TR: You think it’ll work?

LG: Look at that sad boy down there on the beach. It couldn’t hurt.

TR: Sounds good.

JR: …so should I add Adam or not?

**April 5, 2020**

_JR has changed the name of the group text to_ **Keeping in Touch with Commander McGarrett**

JR: How’s your trip so far, Commander?

SM: No need to be so formal, Junior. And good, thanks. Ran into an old friend.

TR: Wow, so we’re going to start with that, are we? You know Danny’s in the chat, right?

DW: How do you think Chin knew Steve’s flight info?

TR: Wait, so the old friend was Chin?

SM: Yeah, Catherine was surprised, too. She thought I was going to Tahoe with her. Not sure where she got that idea.

DW: Careful what you say, there are kids present.

SM: I didn’t say anything bad.

DW: You were thinking it.

LG: Not to change the subject or anything, but how are Abby and Sara doing?

SM: They’re great. Sara’s adorable. Smart as a whip, too. 

DW: You gonna stay in San Fran a while?

SM: Yeah, a week or two. See the sights. I hear they have some great Italian restaurants.

DW: Now you’re just being mean.

SM: Nothing could rival your lasagna, Danny.

DW: Aw, you’re forgiven.

SM: Anyway, thanks for giving Chin the heads up that I was coming, Danny. 

DW: No problem. Had to make sure you weren’t going to immediately start free climbing rock faces or something. Need to at least let the jet lag settle.

LG: Say hi to the Kelly clan for me, will you?

SM: Of course. Gotta go, Abby and Sara want to take me to Alcatraz.

DW: By boat, right?

SM: Danno, people swim away from Alcatraz, not to it.

DW: Leave it to you to start a new trend.

**April 24, 2020**

_JR has changed the name of the group text to_ **Keeping in Touch with Steve**

SM: Hey, just want to let you guys know that I’m going to be out of contact for a while.

DW: As opposed to the past few days, when you answered approximately 5% of my texts?

LG: You headed out into the woods?

SM: Desert, but yeah. Gonna do some camping.

DW: Maybe you’ll see a bear. Beat some sense into you.

JR: Are there bears in the desert?

TR: No, but there are snakes. And spiders. Be careful, those things can be vicious.

DW: Yeah, careful is his middle name.

JR: What’s Danny so mad about?

TR: Not the time, Junes.

DW: I’m not mad, I just know how he is. He’s probably hoping to see some snakes. Maybe shoot a rattler, cook one over his campfire.

SM: I have no intention of shooting anything, I’m just going camping.

DW: Since when is going anywhere without shooting something fun for you?

SM: I’m not exactly here to have fun.

TR: Um, Steve, you okay?

SM: Signing off. Talk to you guys later. Give Eddie a hug for me, I miss that big guy.

**April 25, 2020**

TR: Junes, you awake?

JR: Yes, are you?

JR: That was a joke, I know you’re awake, you texted me first.

JR: This is just a text between us, right?

TR: Yeah, it’s just us. Lou and I are done with the stake-out, we handed it off to HPD. Lou’s driving me home.

JR: Did you talk to him about Danny and Steve? Danny seemed pissed in the group text. What’s going on? 

TR: I tried, but if Lou knows what’s going on, he’s being unusually tight lipped.

JR: I wish Danny was back at work. It’s weird with both him and McGarrett not there.

TR: He’s got at least another two weeks until his ribs heal enough to get cleared to return to active duty, at least that’s what he told me yesterday.

JR: Can’t he come back to headquarters, though? I would have thought he’d want to come back, especially with him being in charge now.

TR: Temporarily in charge.

JR: Yeah, whatever. Didn’t really sound like that when the governor stopped by, did it?

TR: I don’t know, Junior, I really don’t. But Danny doesn’t really seem eager to get back to work. Maybe he’s had it with us.

JR: With Five-0? You think he’s gonna do the restaurant thing again?

TR: No, that was a disaster.

JR: Well, I hope Danny comes back to Five-0. Otherwise Adam might think he’s got a permanent spot.

TR: You really don’t like Adam much, do you?

JR: I don’t know, he seems to have an explanation for everything. But I don’t trust him. Not like Steve and Danny.

TR: I miss them too. But Danny’s around anytime you want to talk to him. He whispered in my ear for two hours yesterday when I was questioning that record store owner who tried his hand at money laundering.

JR: But Steve’s been pretty out of touch.

TR: I think that was the idea of his trip. It’s definitely going to be a long summer. 

JR: You think Steve won’t be back until fall?

TR: That’s my bet. September, refreshed and ready to go. But I really don’t have a clue. What do you think?

JR: Sooner than September, that’s ages, Tani. Why does he need to be away so long?

TR: You’d have to ask him.

JR: Tani?

TR: Yeah?

JR: One more thing… I think we forgot to put Quinn in the text group.

TR: Shit.

**May 4, 2020**

LG: Grace has got skills, Danny. She’s beating Steve at his own game!

TR: Um, what are you talking about, Lou?

LG: Steve and Grace went surfing in L.A. Big waves, too. Didn’t you see the pics on Facebook?

DW: You’re showing your age, Lou. Facebook is for old people.

LG: Grace posted on it, she’s not old.

DW: She only puts pics on there when she wants her parents and grandparents to see them. They’re carefully curated.

TR: Why am I not Facebook friends with Grace? I feel left out.

JR: Ditto.

DW: You should both feel free to friend her. I’m sure she’d friend you back.

TR: I’ll look for her insta instead. Probably get better stuff.

LG: Do you even know Grace?

TR: Rude.

JR: Ditto again.

DW: That’s the same thing.

JR: No, I’m actually saying ditto for the second time.

LG: This group text is more ridiculous than Grace’s sanitized Facebook page. 

TR: At least if Steve’s surfing we know he made it out of the desert.

LG: On a horse with no name.

DW: Now you really sound old.

TR: Dad joke alert.

LG: What’s wrong with dad jokes? I am a dad, after all. I’m quite proud of being a dad. I deserve to make dad jokes.

TR: Try making better ones, at least.

LG: Danny, you’re a proud dad. Back me up here.

DW: Proud, yes. As uncool as you, no. 

TR: Settle down, you’re both old and uncool, no need to get worked up about it.

DW: Fine. This old guy is staring at some very nice looking steaks, and was planning on lighting the grill soon. Assuming you’re still willing to eat my food despite my advanced age. 

JR: Tani and I are getting in the car now, we’ll stop for beer on the way. Jerry said he was coming, too, and bringing fruit salad with no pineapple, just for you.

DW: Yet another reason I like Jerry. And did you guys talk to Quinn and apologize for not including her in the group text?

TR: I did, and she actually seemed relieved not to have to deal with us all outside of work.

DW: Seriously?

TR: No, of course not. I already added her. She’s on now.

QL: Hi guys. Danny, thanks for inviting me. I’m bringing margaritas and guac.

DW: See, already glad you’re in the chat. Sorry Tani forgot you.

TR: I did not forget Quinn! 

LG: Tani has been suitably repentant, Danny, don’t worry. And do put my name on two of those steaks - Renee made her special chocolate cake with mocha buttercream. We’ll be there soon.

DW: Does your wife think I’m dying or something? She only makes that cake when someone’s sick.

_TR has changed the name of the group text to_ **Chocolate Cake For the Detective’s Soul**

TR: Maybe she thinks it’ll make your ribs heal faster, so you can come back to work and make sure Lou doesn’t do anything stupid.

DW: Tani, not for nothing, but it’s not Lou I’m worried about.

TR: That building wasn’t that tall. I landed in the pool, and apprehended the suspect on the way down.

DW: I rest my case.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter - thanks to the long weekend for time to play with this fic!

**May 20, 2020**

SM: Hey, where’s Danny?

LG: With Tani, I think, heading to a crime scene on the north shore. Sure glad to have him back. Otherwise it would have been me getting up at the ass crack of dawn when Duke called.

SM: Does Danny seem ready?

LG: Ready to come back to work? Sure. Shirts are crisp, slacks nicely pressed, hair sprayed firmly in place. Your boy looks great.

SM: Ribs not hurting him anymore?

LG: Maybe a little, but it’s not slowing him down much.

SM: He hasn’t been answering my texts.

LG: Did you do something to piss him off?

SM: Probably. I usually do. Not sure what this time, though.

TR: Don’t stress, boss. Danny’s right here, looking sharp as always. We’re in the car.

SM: Tani, what have I said about no driving and texting?

TR: I’m not - Danny’s driving.

SM: Can I talk to him? Put it on speaker.

TR: That would require you to actually call him. Maybe give it a few minutes though? We’re a little busy right now.

SM: What, he can’t drive and talk on the phone at the same time?

TR: It’s the dodging of bullets that might make that challenging. Not that Danny isn’t a great multi-tasker, but it seems like an unnecessary risk.

SM: Tani, what the hell is going on?

LG: Damn. On my way.

SM: Tani, report, now.

JR: What just happened?

SM: Junior, why aren’t you with Danny? And where’s Quinn?

JR: Day off, sorry sir.

SM: Someone call HPD, why don’t you have any back up?

TR: No worries, the perp’s not chasing us anymore. His car flipped over and sort of slid down the dunes. Probably not good for the birds. But he definitely stopped shooting, so it’s all good.

 _DW has changed the name of the group text to_ **My Camaro has another bullet hole and it’s Steve’s fault**

**May 21, 2020**

SM: We have to talk about yesterday.

DW: Everything’s fine, Steve. 

SM: It didn’t sound like it. 

DW: We had it under control.

SM: Why was Tani texting when people were shooting at you? She should have been covering you, or calling for back up. She should have seen it coming. You should never have been in that position in the first place.

DW: One, Tani did nothing wrong, and two, mind your own beeswax.

SM: Mind my own – what’s that supposed to mean?

DW: Think about it for a minute, you’ll figure it out.

SM: Are you even recovered enough for active duty?

DW: Oh, now you’re interested in my health?

SM: Danny, Five-0 is still my team, my responsibility.

DW: Is it, now? Funny, because I’m pretty sure the governor told me I’m in charge.

SM: Temporarily.

DW: Indefinitely. Or have you booked a flight home that you haven’t told us about?

SM: Danny, we’ve been over this.

DW: Don’t I know it.

SM: I’m just concerned about all of you. 

DW: Great. Come home and take your job back. Otherwise keep your mouth shut.

SM: I’m not criticizing, it’s just that it doesn’t seem like yesterday went exactly according to plan.

DW: According to plan? Since when have you ever done anything according to plan? You are the head of not having a plan, the Czar of plan-less-ness, the President of who needs a fucking plan.

LG: You guys do remember this is a group text, right? 

**June 2, 2020**

JR: Do any of you know what was in the package Danny got today?

TR: You could just ask him.

JR: I would, but he opened it up and then locked himself in his office and he’s been on the phone for half an hour.

QL: Might be a sign that he wants some privacy.

TR: You think?

JR: So I shouldn’t ask him?

TR: No, you should definitely ask him. But maybe bring him some malasadas when you barge into his office, it might soften the blow.

LG: Or distract him enough that he doesn’t hit your head when he throws something at you.

DW: It’s kind of late for malasadas, but I’d love a sandwich from Machete’s. Turkey and salami, Italian dressing instead of mayo.

JR: Yes sir.

LG: You’re enjoying this boss thing, aren’t you, Danny?

DW: It’s good to be king. At least where lunch is concerned.

TR: So are you going to tell us what was in the package?

DW: Will you do my paperwork for the week?

TR: Yesterday you said I was worse at paperwork than Steve.

DW: Good point. Will you get Junior to do my paperwork?

JR: Hey, wait a minute, I’m getting the sandwiches.

TR: Deal. Don’t worry Junes, I’ll make it worth your while.

LG: TMI, children.

…

LG: Tani, spill. What was in the package?

DW: A stuffed squirrel. A stuffed animal. Not, like, a once was alive squirrel, like a toy. 

QL: Who sent it to him?

TR: Apparently that piece of information wasn’t part of the deal. 

JR: It’s from Steve.

TR: Danny told you?

JR: No, I looked at the return address. He put the package in the recycle bin in the break room.

DW: At least someone here has some detective skills.

LG: Okay, I’ll bite. Danny, why did Steve send you a squirrel? Is it for Charlie?

DW: Nope, it’s mine. And anyone who touches it is dead.

JR: So… who’s gonna grab it?

LG: Junior, I’d think twice. Danny’s got the power to assign you to walking the beat for the rest of the summer. I think that squirrel looks great right there where it is on Danny’s desk.

TR: He can be our honorary Five-0 mascot.

DW: Exactly. The very first Hawaiian squirrel.

DW: But let me reiterate, you may not touch him. If I see a tiny aloha shirt or a lei on my squirrel, heads will roll.

TR: I like this side of you, Danny. Very authoritative.

DW: The children do not respect me, Lou.

LG: Didn’t the governor say he needed extra security at that concert Saturday night?

DW: The heavy metal battle of the bands? The one that lasts for five hours, and features not just professional bands, but appearances from some of the most popular amateur head-banging groups around? Hm, I think he did. I was going to check with HPD to make sure it was covered. Do you think they need personal attention from Five-0?

TR: Danny, you might notice that a note has just been slipped under your door. It’s from me and Junior, attesting to our sincere understanding that the squirrel is off limits. Just in case you were wondering.

DW: And all is right with the world again.

LG: Amen, brother.

TR: But just out of curiosity, what are you going to name your apology squirrel? Pineapple?

DW: Thin ice, my friend, thin ice.

 _TR has changed the name of the group text to_ **First Hawaiian Squirrel Fan Club**

**June 20, 2020**

JR: Anyone want to come over and watch Jurassic Park with me and Charlie? We went a little overboard with the snacks.

LG: What kind of snacks?

JR: Primarily pretzels. For some reason I had never really looked that closely at the pretzel aisle at Foodland before. We got chocolate covered pretzels, pretzels stuffed with peanut butter, honey garlic pretzels, and probably some others too.

TR: What brought on this pretzel craving?

JR: Actually Charlie wanted pineapple pretzels.

LG: There is no such thing.

JR: That’s what I thought too, but it turns out I was totally wrong. The ABC store on my block has them.

LG: You are shitting me.

JR: They’re called Pretz. Pineapple flavor. They’re actually pretty good.

LG: Okay, I’m coming over just to taste those. Renee’s out tonight anyway.

TR: You’ll have to save me some. I’m hanging with Koa tonight.

LG: And what does our fearless leader think about pineapple pretzels?

JR: He probably won’t like them, but he’s not home. 

TR: Babysitting, Junes?

JR: Charlie’s my pal, he’s not a baby. But yeah.

TR: Where’s Danny?

JR: On a date.

TR: That seems unlikely.

JR: That’s kind of harsh, isn’t it? Danny’s a good looking guy.

TR: Of course he is, that’s not what I meant.

DW: Thanks.

TR: Fuck I keep forgetting we’re all on this text.

JR: Danny, how’s your date going?

DW: It would probably be going better if I wasn’t texting you guys. 

SM: Learned that lesson finally, did you?

DW: Steve, isn’t it a little late where you are?

SM: Never too late to help out a friend. Are you wearing the French blue button-down?

DW: No, it got ruined. I’m just wearing a black polo.

SM: Too bad, that’s a great shirt.

DW: I’m going to the mall tomorrow, there’s a sale at Lord & Taylor, I need new shirts. For some reason mine keep getting blood stains on them.

SM: Wish I could go with you, you do better with a wingman.

DW: It’s true, you talked me into buying two of those slim fit dark blue ones, and those are some of my favorites.

SM: Don’t be afraid to try darker shades, Danny. You resist it but in the end you look great.

DW: I did like the dark gray one you made me try on. But not the purple one. It made me look like a gigolo. Anyway blue’s still my favorite.

SM: It’s true, nothing makes your eyes sparkle like a blue shirt.

DW: And good company, of course.

LG: I feel like this thread has been hijacked by aliens. 

TR: Aliens who like menswear. Danny, isn’t your date annoyed that you’re spending all this time texting?

DW: Oh, she left. I’ll be home soon, I’m just picking up some ice cream for the Jurassic Park marathon.

JR: I’m so confused.

SM: Don’t overthink it. But make sure Danny tries the pineapple pretzels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying this! Please let me know, it means so much to hear from you!


	3. Chapter 3

**June 25, 2020**

JR: What’s the name of Steve’s vet, the one he sort of dated?

QL: If you and Tani were considering a threesome you could have let me know.

TR: News to me. But I suppose we could talk…

JR: Shut up. Eddie’s hurt, do you know the vet’s name or not?

TR: Oh no, what happened?

JR: I’m not sure, we just got back from a run and he’s limping a little.

DW: Don’t go anywhere. Keep Eddie still, I’ll be there in ten.

JR: Shouldn’t I take him to the vet?

DW: Just called them. Stay right where you are.

JR: Danny, Eddie’s fine, I can just put him in the truck. He probably just stepped on something sharp.

QL: Is he bleeding? You should elevate his leg.

JR: No, he’s not bleeding, it’s not that serious. 

TR: Can you tell which paw it is?

JR: Of course I can tell, it’s the foot he’s holding up when he tries to walk.

DW: Did you not understand the part about keeping him still? Walking is not keeping him still. Sit with him, don’t let him move.

JR: We’re sitting on the couch, don’t worry, Eddie is fine. He’s licking my face. Normal Eddie behavior. I think he actually forgot about his foot.

TR: Doesn’t hurt to be careful. Junes, where did you take Eddie anyway? Just the beach?

TR: Junes? You there?

JR: Sorry, had to let HPD in.

TR: Wait, why is HPD there?

JR: Apparently Danny sent them. With flashers and sirens.

TR: Of course, that makes sense.

JR: Um, no it doesn’t. Eddie is fine. And Five-0 isn’t supposed to use HPD for personal stuff.

TR: Yeah, we never do that. 

SM: What the hell happened to my dog?

**July 5, 2020**

LG: I hate all of you, but especially Tani.

TR: It was just lemonade, Grover.

LG: No, it was iced tequila with one lemon slice floating on top.

TR: Party lemonade.

LG: It’s not very patriotic to get your elders drunk.

TR: No one said you had to drink it.

LG: Pretty sure you said anyone who doesn’t taste my lemonade has to go home. 

TR: I had already had some lemonade when I said that. I can’t be held responsible for my actions. Face it, you’re a lightweight.

LG: Clearly not true.

TR: Then why did Renee make you leave early?

LG: We had another party to go to, as I told you last night. Where is everyone, anyway? I thought Junior and Quinn were on today.

TR: I’m sure they’ll turn up any minute.

LG: Junior is still asleep, isn’t he?

TR: The lump under the blankets just cursed at me when I thumped him, so no, not totally asleep.

LG: Tell him to get his ass in gear and get to work.

TR: He says his head is exploding and he wants to die.

LG: Requesting a sick day, then?

TR: I’ll come in instead.

LG: Seriously?

TR: It’ll be better than listening to Junior puke all morning.

LG: I didn’t need to know that. How come you’re all chipper? 

TR: I drank a bunch of water before I went to bed. Like you’re supposed to.

LG: Hey, did Danny ever show up last night? 

TR: Nope. 

**July 11, 2020**

LG: I’m at the dock, which way should I go?

DW: Towards the boats. The big floating things.

JR: I can see you, keep going the way you’re facing, then head south when you get to the end of the  
row.

LG: South? Sorry, forgot my compass. 

DW: Just listen for the music.

TR: I can’t believe you know the words to Taylor Swift’s greatest hits. At least my music is relatively current.

DW: Grace was just the right age. It got stuck in my head. 

JR: And now it’s stuck in ours.

 _TR has changed the name of the group text to_ **Shake It Off Dance Party**

QL: Be there soon. Just found Jerry wandering in the parking lot.

JG: I wasn’t wandering, I was organizing my gear.

TR: What kind of gear do you need for a boat ride?

LG: You do realize you are asking Jerry this.

JG: By the way, thanks for including me today. I’ve missed you guys.

DW: We miss you too. But if you could all hurry up, that would be great. I’d like to leave the dock sometime before it gets dark.

QL: Do you guys do a Five-0 summer outing every year?

TR: Nope, first time.

QL: Really?

TR: Yeah, generally we get enough excitement at work. And Danny has some issues with boats.

DW: I actually enjoy boats, when there isn’t any gunfire, or sharks, or poison. I only have issues with _Steve_ and boats. Steve isn’t here, so we’ll be fine.

QL: So much to unpack there.

JR: Didn’t Steve set this up?

LG: He surely did. The boat belongs to a friend of his. I think he thought we all needed some cheering up.

TR: You mean he thought Danny needed cheering up.

DW: If Steve wanted to cheer me up he wouldn’t have sent me on a boat trip with all of you.

LG: Ouch.

JG: We may have a slight delay.

TR: What did you do?

JG: I didn’t do anything. But Quinn was texting and walking at the same time and tripped.

DW: Is she ok?

JG: She didn’t fall in the water. But her phone did, and she’s kind of pissed.

LG: Well we’ve got beer, that might help.

JG: Now’s she in the water. She’s trying to find the phone.

JG: Quinn can hold her breath for a really long time. Kind of impressive.

LG: For pete’s sake, what’s the point? She’s never going to find it, and it’ll be ruined anyway.

JG: I said the same thing, but she didn’t listen. Now she’s going to talk to the harbormaster.

TR: To report a dropped phone?

JG: I don’t know, she just told me to wait while she went to talk to the harbormaster.

TR: It’s not like we need our phones for fishing. We probably don’t get service out there anyway.

DW: Hardly matters. At this rate we’re never leaving the dock.

**July 17, 2020**

SM: Send help to this address ASAP. My phone’s dying.

DW: WTF Steve?

SM: Tow truck kind of help. Flat tire.

DW: It’s four in the morning here.

SM: Oh, sorry. Got up early. Not that early.

DW: Way to give me a heart attack.

SM: Sorry, didn’t mean to. You okay?

DW: Course I’m okay. I’m in bed, asleep. Or at least I was asleep. Now Eddie’s awake too and thinks it’s time to get up and go for a walk.

SM: Wish I was there.

DW: What?

SM: In bed, I mean. Instead of stuck on the side of the road.

DW: Where are you, anyway? You haven’t mentioned lately.

SM: Near Yellowstone. Been camping. Did some hiking into the backcountry. 

DW: Sounds suitably outdoorsy.

SM: Yeah.

DW: Your phone doesn’t seem all that dead. You could have called AAA yourself. 

SM: I wasn’t sure how long it would hold out.

DW: It’s okay. I miss you too.

**July 18, 2020**

JR: So we’re all ignoring that conversation, right?

TR: Yes, because we work for them, and we have better things to do today.

 _TR has changed the name of the group text to_ **Luau Luau Luau**

JR: Good to know you’re excited.

TR: Just cross your fingers there aren’t any murders in the next six hours. I want to be there when the pig comes out of the pit.

SM: You guys are doing a real luau?

TR: Yup. Kamekona dug the imu. Or had someone else dig it, probably. But that sucker’s been cooking for hours already.

JR: Hey Commander, how’s it going?

SM: It’s good, Junior. Thanks. How’d you get Kame to cook you a pig?

TR: It’s to thank Danny for helping him with some kind of permitting problem for his new place in Kapolei. Kame found out Danny had never done the whole pig in the ground thing, so he decided to show him how it’s done.

SM: You’re telling me Danny got up at dawn to put the pig in the imu?

TR: I can’t swear to it, I wasn’t there. But that was the plan. 

LG: I was there. And no, Kame didn’t do any actual digging, he got Nahele and his friends to do it. We did have to carry some rocks.

TR: What do you think, Lou? Pretty cool, right?

LG: I am in favor of anything that combines fire and meat, you know that about me.

SM: Danny must not have gotten any sleep at all.

DW: That’s why they invented coffee.

SM: How much did Kame charge you for it?

DW: Nahele brought us all coffee from Island Vintage.

SM: What, did he come into some money?

DW: I paid him back, you dunce. 

SM: I can’t believe you guys are putting together your own luau.

DW: Makes you miss home, doesn’t it?

SM: Sure does. Danny, you’ve really never been to a luau?

DW: Not really. Seemed kind of touristy.

TR: That’s why you have to do it yourself. I made chicken long rice last night, and Junior’s bringing the lomi lomi salmon.

JR: I wanted squid but Tani likes salmon better.

SM: Good luck getting Danny to eat squid unless they’re deep fried.

DW: I’ll have you know I haven’t had a fried fish in ages. I’ve been grilling mahi almost every weekend.

SM: You have? That’s awesome.

JR: He does a good job with it, too. It’s never dry.

DW: Thanks, Junior.

SM: Clearly my healthy eating has finally made an impression on you, Danny. I’m so proud.

JR: I think it was his doctor that forced him into it, but whatever.

SM: What do you mean? What’s wrong?

DW: Nothing’s wrong.

SM: High cholesterol? 

DW: Shut up, I can eat whatever I want. I’m just choosing to be more aware of what goes in my mouth, that’s all.

LG: Right, that’s why you banned malasadas from the office.

TR: Maybe he’s just trying to maintain his girlish figure. 

JR: Are you really trying to lose weight, Danny? Because you’re as thin as I’ve ever seen you.

LG: I’m not sure they sell those slacks in extra-slim, you better be careful.

DW: Can we please stop talking about me? 

SM: Seriously, is everything all right, Danny? 

DW: You guys are ridiculous. See you later at the beach. You can ogle me there as I stuff my mouth with kalua pork.

**July 21, 2020**

JR: Tani, you up?

TR: You know you can just come home and get into bed with me, you don’t need to say dumb stuff like that.

JR: Honestly I just wanted to know if you were awake. It’s one o’clock in the morning.

TR: LOL sorry. Yeah, Quinn just left and I’m trying to clean up. We tried to make fancy margaritas and it looks like Whole Foods’ fruit section exploded in my kitchen.

JR: What’s a fancy margarita?

TR: You know, you add in something that tastes good and something that tastes bad.

JR: That can’t really be the recipe.

TR: It seemed like it. Grapefruit and rosemary – who wants rosemary in their margarita?

JR: Ok true.

TR: Strawberry and jalapeno was pretty good though. But we put too many jalapenos in.

JR: Sounds dangerous. How many have you had?

TR: A good amount. When are you coming home?

JR: Don’t know. Adam and I are still parked down the road from the restaurant where the victim died yesterday. Danny thinks whoever was responsible, the assistant chef probably, will break in tonight.

TR: Sounds fun.

JR: I’m bored out of my mind. Ran out of things to talk about with Adam about two hours ago.

TR: Let’s play fuck, marry, kill. 

JR: Okay. But let’s text just us, okay?

TR: Smart. Okay, you go first. Celebrities, fuck, marry or kill.

JR: Any celebrities? That’s kind of broad.

TR: Ok, celebrities named Chris.

JR: You’re really making me go first.

TR: You’re the one who said you were bored. I could just throw all this crap into the sink and go to bed. But I’ll go first if you want.

JR: Okay. 

TR: And obviously no getting mad, right?

JR: Obviously.

TR: Fuck Chris Hemsworth, marry Chris Evans, kill Chris Pratt.

JR: That was fast.

TR: I may have thought about it before. Now you go.

JR: Fuck Christina Aguilera, marry Chris Evans, kill Chris Noth.

TR: Very enlightened.

JR: Everyone wants to marry Chris Evans.

TR: Agreed. Okay, next. Marvel characters. 

JR: That’s kind of an overlap, isn’t it?

TR: Only with a few of them. We’ll say no repeats. You go first this time.

JR: Fuck Wonder Woman, marry Black Widow, kill Loki.

TR: Wonder Woman's DC, not Marvel. And are you sure you didn’t reverse Wonder Woman and Black Widow?

JR: Nah. If I’m going to spend my life with somebody I want her to have some depth, you know?

TR: I’ll revisit that when I’m less drunk. Okay, fuck T’Challa, marry Tony Stark, kill Fury.

JR: Fury? He’s a good guy. 

TR: I didn’t like the way he faked his death.

JR: You confuse me sometimes.

TR: I think that’s okay. Any sign of the assistant chef?

JR: No. And Adam seems entranced by some game on his phone.

TR: Animal crossing?

JR: I think it’s some kind of card game app. Jerry mentioned it.

TR: Why play cards on an app instead of in person?

JR: Maybe because you’re stuck at work at one in the morning.

TR: Fair.

JR: Okay, let’s do another round.

TR: Fine. Five-0. Present or former members.

JR: No way.

TR: Come on, you must have thought about it. 

JR: No getting mad?

TR: Obviously. And we can’t say each other.

JR: Obviously.

JR: You go first.

TR: Fuck Steve, marry Danny, kill Catherine.

JR: Again, you do this really fast.

TR: These answers aren’t hard.

JR: Didn’t know you hated Catherine so much.

TR: She screwed over my imaginary fuck buddy and my imaginary husband, so, yeah.

JR: I feel like you know more about this situation than I do.

TR: As with all things. Come on, your turn.

JR: This is hard. And very unprofessional.

TR: You cannot leave me hanging.

JR: Fuck Quinn, marry Steve, kill Adam.

TR: He’s that boring?

JR: He’s that boring.

TR: You know Danny thinks I’m just like Steve. In the good ways.

JR: I’m aware.

TR: You only said Quinn because you couldn’t think of any other women on Five-0, didn’t you?

JR: Ok fine.

TR: Be honest, who would you pick? Really?

JR: There’s no way you’re getting me to put that in a text.

TR: It’s just us, come on.

LG: No it’s not. 

TR: Oh shit.

**July 22, 2020**

DW: Ok, regarding last night’s text message fiasco, I’m incredibly disappointed and have no choice but to run this by HR.

TR: Wait, we have HR?

DW: No, actually. But I talked about it with Steve and we laughed our asses off. Try to rein in the sex talk just a bit, okay? And maybe don’t mention actually killing people in our group text.

JR: Sorry, sir.

TR: Sorry, boss.

DW: And Junior’s right. Everyone wants to marry Chris Evans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Edited to fix the Wonder Woman/DC mistake... I was going to just chalk it up to Junior and Tani not being very picky about their f/m/k rules but it was driving me nuts! Hope you're enjoying this!


	4. Chapter 4

**August 4, 2020**

DW: Ok, I just sent you what I could put together.

SM: Thanks, I appreciate it.

DW: Be smart about it, though. 

SM: What’s that supposed to mean?

DW: Have a game plan. Think before you act.

SM: Are you implying I’m not capable of carrying this out?

DW: I know you, you get carried away.

SM: So I’m too impulsive?

DW: You said it, not me.

SM: I hardly think it’s relevant here.

DW: Fine, whatever. Get yourself killed. See if I care.

TR: Cough. Group text.

SM: Hey, Tani. What’s up?

TR: Not much. Just minding my own business here at headquarters. 

JG: You guys should probably take me out of this group now.

SM: Any good cases?

TR: Pretty quiet, actually. Except for the stomping coming from Danny’s office. Towards mine. I better get off the phone.

**August 5, 2020**

JR: Saw the texts from yesterday. Are we helping Steve with an op?

DW: “We” aren’t helping Steve with anything. 

JR: Okay. But you know I’ll help out, if there’s anything you need. 

DW: Thanks, Junior. Focus on the perp you’ve got in the back seat of your car for now.

JR: Yes sir. 

TR: You know we’d all help. Even Grover, I bet.

DW: While I appreciate the offer, what I’d really like is to get a confession in the case we’re actually working at this very moment.

TR: So, what, you want us to bring this guy in so you can talk to him?

DW: Something like that, yes.

LG: You’re really getting the hang of this boss thing, Danny.

DW: **middle finger emoji**

**August 15, 2020**

LG: Is Danny with any of you guys?

TR: Nope. He left RumFire before we even ordered a second round. Seemed distracted.

LG: Where did he go? He’s not answering his phone.

TR: I don’t know, home, I guess?

_TR changed the name of the group text to_ **Danny please answer your phone**

LG: Is Junior there? Can he check?

JR: I’m at Tani’s. What’s wrong?

LG: I got a call from Kono. I need to find Danny.

QL: I can go over to Steve’s place and see if Danny’s there, I’m closest.

LG: Thanks, Quinn. Go now.

JR: He might be at headquarters. 

LG: It’s past midnight on a Friday. I doubt paperwork is that interesting.

JR: Sometimes he hangs out there, on the couch.

LG: Are you telling me he’s sleeping at the office, Junior?

JR: He didn’t want me to tell anyone. I guess the house seems kind of weird without Steve.

LG: We’ll come back to that – for now, one of you get over to headquarters and see if Danny’s there.

TR: Lou, what are you not telling us? What’s wrong with Kono?

LG: Kono’s fine, just find Danny. 

TR: Is she still hunting down sex traffickers? Oh fuck, I bet Steve was helping her with an op. That’s what those texts from Danny were about, sending Steve intel.

JR: Is Steve ok? Does he need our help?

LG: Calm down, Junior. You’re not going anywhere.

QL: I’m at the house. I used the key in the hiding place when Danny didn’t answer the door right away. Eddie’s not much of a guard dog, he’s just licking me.

LG: He knows you. Is Danny there?

QL: Hang on, I’m going upstairs. He’s not going to jump around a corner and shoot me, is he?

LG: Let’s hope not.

QL: Okay, Danny’s here, he was just asleep. But he’s awake now. 

LG: Tell him to call Kono immediately.

QL: He’s doing it now.

TR: Quinn, what is she saying? What’s going on?

QL: He didn’t tell me. Did you know Danny gets dressed crazy fast?

QL: He’s got a go bag under his bed. Not sure they’ll let him take those guns on the plane.

TR: Ask him if we can help. We can meet him at the airport.

QL: Too late, he’s gone. 

TR: Is Steve okay?

QL: I don’t know. Damn.

LG: Sit down and breathe, Quinn. 

QL: I’m all right. But shit. I’ve never seen Danny look like that.

LG: Like what?

QL: Terrified.

**August 17, 2020**

JR: Ok, how long do we wait before we call in the calvary?

JR: *cavalry

TR: Backup?

JR: Yes. 

TR: We don’t even know where they are.

JR: Other than Danny rented a car at the airport in Seattle yesterday morning.

TR: How do we know that, exactly? And why didn’t you tell me?

JR: You didn’t ask. And Jerry is tracing Danny’s credit card.

TR: This is nuts.

JR: I’m gonna go to Seattle. I’ll call Danny when I get there. If I’m already there, he won’t tell me to stay home.

LG: No, but I’ll tell you, right now. Stay where you are.

JR: This group text thing may have been a mistake.

TR: You think?

LG: Just listen for a minute. I heard from Kono. No need for backup.

TR: Are you going to tell us more or what? 

KK: Guys, Steve is ok, and so is Danny. You can relax.

LG: Kono, these kids are going to bite my head off if you don’t give them some details.

KK: First off we’re sorry we didn’t get in touch sooner – Danny wanted me to call Lou last night as soon as Steve was out of danger, but then things got a little hairy.

QL: But now?

KK: It’s all good.

LG: Maybe you should start from the beginning?

KK: Too long to text the whole thing, but you know Steve was helping me on an op. One of the people financing a sex trafficking ring was rumored to be in the area, and we set him up. During the take down Steve got hurt, but he’s going to be okay.

TR: What happened?

KK: He kind of jumped through a plate glass window and out of a building to get away from a bomb. But we caught the bad guy, so he’s pretty pleased with himself.

TR: I see why Danny is particularly annoyed when I do that kind of thing.

KK: Steve got pretty banged up, and some glass got in his eye, but the doctors say he’s doing well now. Had to have surgery last night, though, there was some internal bleeding they didn’t catch right away.

JR: Why isn’t Steve texting us, or Danny?

KK: They’re both asleep. It was kind of a tough night for both of them.

KK: [Photo - SteveandDanny.jpg – 8.17.2020]

TR: Awww. Danny looks so small. Look at him tucked in there between Steve’s side and the bed railing, all snuggled up against Steve. 

KK: Doesn’t he look tiny? I know people always say patients in hospital beds look small, but with Danny slotted in there right next to him, Steve looks normal sized.

LG: Actually he looks like he crashed through a plate glass window, but I suppose that’s normal for him.

QL: Steve’s holding on to Danny even in his sleep. I’m dying here.

JR: Is it ok to ask if Steve’s gonna lose his eye? That bandage looks serious.

KK: So far the doc says it should heal, with minimal vision loss. But it’s too soon to tell for sure. He might need another surgery.

TR: I’m saving this picture forever. I can’t believe the hospital staff let Danny climb into bed with Steve. 

KK: By the time this happened Danny really didn’t care what anyone else had to say on the subject. 

TR: I can imagine.

KK: You guys could have given me a heads’ up, you know. Would have saved some drama yesterday.

LG: What do you mean?

KK: Danny barreled in here looking for Steve, calling himself his partner, and then there was a bit of a scuffle about what partner meant. 

TR: Well, they’re not exactly partner-partners. Just work partners.

KK: You sure?

TR: They’re pretty touchy-feely, but they certainly don’t share a bed.

JR: Usually. Unless I’m in the guest room when Danny’s over.

TR: Excuse me?

JR: The couch is bad for Danny’s back, and Steve refused to let me give up my room for Danny. So they both sleep in Steve’s room.

TR: Were you ever going to mention this? Or is this one of those respect for your superior officer things?

JR: I plead the fifth.

KK: Well the cat’s out of the bag now.

JR: I don’t think we should assume they’re together, not until they tell us.

KK: Okay, but after seeing the big ol’ kiss Danny planted on Steve in front of the entire ICU, I’m feeling fairly confident this isn’t platonic anymore.

KK: Steve’s reaction was priceless, too. He grinned like you wouldn’t believe, brighter than the Hawaiian sun, and then pulled Danny down to kiss him back like he wasn't injured at all. 

LG: Hot damn.

_TR changed the name of the group text to_ **Danny’s Kiss Is Magic**


	5. Chapter 5

**September 5, 2020**

JR: Well, I guess you were right.

TR: I always am. What in particular is it this time?

JR: Steve stayed away until September. Although you didn’t predict Danny would take off too.

DW: Don’t pretend like you guys were suffering without us there. You’ve been doing just fine. I’ve heard all about your shenanigans.

TR: Yeah, trailing a bunch of teenage drug dealers who could barely tie their own shoes was a blast.

DW: But at least you didn’t have anyone looking over your shoulder while you questioned them, right?

QL: They all confessed as soon as we cuffed them. It wasn’t any challenge at all.

DW: So are you saying you’re too annoyed to show up for the barbeque tonight?

LG: The kids can be as annoyed as they want. Renee and I will be there with bells on. More steak for us.

SM: Grilled mahi, actually. And turkey burgers.

DW: With kick-ass hot sauce from this place we found in Sausalito. Be prepared. It makes anything taste good.

TR: Even turkey burgers?

DW: Even turkey burgers.

LG: We’re all just glad you’re both done with your little R&R trip and are coming back home, steak or no steak.

DW: I have to warn you, though, tonight’s party is pirate themed. You only get the good beer if you wear a costume.

TR: Oh shit, is Steve’s eye not healing?

DW: Nah, he’s doing okay. But he’s still got to keep the patch on for a while. And Charlie’s in a pirate phase so it all works out. 

JR: It’ll be good to have you home. I’ve got all my stuff moved out.

QL: Haven’t you already been living at Tani’s for months?

JR: Mostly. But I liked to hang out and play with Eddie, and while Danny’s been away Tani and I have been staying at Steve’s to keep an eye on the place.

SM: Uh oh.

JR: Not to worry, sir, everything is cleaned up. You won’t even notice the bullet holes on the porch, I sanded them down and repainted.

DW: Bullet holes?

TR: A suspect sort of trailed us home.

SM: I don’t remember you mentioning this.

JR: We thought it might go over better in person.

LG: It’s been handled, boss. I’ll send you the reports if you really can’t wait.

DW: Don’t bother. Let us hang on to the illusion of deniability for one more day.

SM: By the way, anyone who’s free tomorrow, we could use your help with something.

QL: I’m free.

JR: Us too. What’s up?

SM: We need to clean out Danny’s house so he can put it on the market.

LG: Congratulations! So you’re making it official then?

DW: Steve, I thought we talked about telling people tonight?

SM: What can I say, I’m impulsive sometimes. 

TR: Holy crap, are you engaged?

DW: Everyone relax. This isn’t a big deal. I’ve just been living at Steve’s for almost a year, we figured it was time to sell my place since I’m not using it.

TR: “We” figured?

 _TR changed the name of the group text to_ **Engagement Party Tonight At Steve and Danny’s**

SM: I’m all for a celebration. I finally pulled my head out of my ass and saw what was right in front of me. It’s about time.

JR: So you’re home for good, right?

DW: He is. And we are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this bit of silliness and fluff - please keep the comments coming, they fuel me!
> 
> Next up will be another story in this series... In the meantime, everyone take care and stay well.


End file.
